I didn’t watch the Oscars, but social media showed me enough pictures of, for me, familiar celebrities. Celebrities who have aged, Goldie Hahn (79), Whoopee Goldberg (69), Jane Fonda (87), and Meryl Streep (75) struck a cord with me. With all the fame and money they have, they cannot stop aging. Goldie looked like she has done too much Botox, her face distorted; Whoopee is skinny, most likely Ozempic related, Jane is timeless in her looks, although looking more frail; she has Non-Hodgkin lymphoma; Meryl Streep looks the most her age, with wrinkles and a bit of age related weight gain. I feel a kinship. These celebrities are my peers. They made movies in my younger years I could swoon over. Now they face the same downhill slide into old age as I do. No matter what we do to stay fit, no matter how we cover up the signs of things going south and sagging, age is taking its toll. We may be able to postpone some of the dreaded aging symptoms, but they will catch up with us. My health and strength, usually robust, now show the effects of another five years. It’s like my Subaru. The mileage is creeping up; the engine is doing just fine, but parts are breaking and the body is showing dings and scrapes. I don’t want to complain; I replace parts when it seems worth it both in my Subaru and my body. The Subaru will last at least another 100,000 miles; at 15,000 miles a year, that gives me another 6-7 years (I know from experience, I’m on my 3rd Subaru). But I can’t say that about my body. I have no idea. Six to seven good years while replacing parts is possible, but not without hassle.
Aging is not a soft, smooth fading into the sunset. A slow fading, shrinking and drying out like the flowers in my garden. I wish. To have quality of life, I must replace teeth that fail, joints that don’t carry me on the trail any longer, replace my eyes’ lenses, take medicines to lower my cholesterol and avoid a heart attack, more medicines to help with reduced estrogen and its consequences, sleep aids to help with reduced melatonin production. The list is growing and seems to speed up. Though functioning I feel vulnerable. Still enjoying life I wonder when I will call it quits on this body. A new Subaru is possible; a new body is impossible. I don’t have the financial resources the aforementioned celebrities can put into maintaining their bodies. I suspect, though, they too are facing the inevitable. How long will their red carpet appearances maintain relevance? Jane Fonda has accepted her grey hair; exercise doesn’t ward off her health issues. Whoopi fit her now skinny body into an extravagant gown and shows what she was doing in the fashion world. And that, dear readers, is the real crux of aging. Relevance. We can admire fame, but in this world we don’t admire fading fame.
I have the romantic notion that some cultures revere their elders, give them more value as they age, like a bottle of excellent wine. Tribal elders, wise mentors, temper youthful passion, and guide leadership transitions. I have long ago passed the torch of competence to my offspring. They are all very capable and smart in managing their lives. I’ve handed off my work to younger colleagues. My workplace valued my work; they missed me and asked, “What would Ms. Roelse do?” Sweet fading relevance. I still can inspire women to walk and hike and show them what’s possible at my age. I can commiserate with peers who are experiencing a similar breakdown of the aging body. Mutual support fosters gratitude and purpose. But relevance? The publishing industry doesn’t care if I publish another book. The hiker community isn’t waiting around for me to show my prowess as I hike another long trail. My siblings face their own decline and hope we can forget about it during our get-togethers and just enjoy each other’s company.
When I was younger, I never thought much about what elder people experienced as they aged. I thought they were still the same inside their personality, their outlook on life; they were just slower and had more physical issues. I was correct: aging slows you; physical problems increase; however, your view of life transforms. That’s where I was wrong.
When a famous person dies, the media looks back at his or her life, value the contributions they made to society. They never talk about what the person’s experience might have been for the last 5 years of their life. The time of regular tribal gatherings, a sharing of insight and wisdom, isn’t happening in our western world. Substack writers, like Sari Bolton and Debbie Weil, take up the slack and interview people as they age, ask questions and honor what the person brings to the table. See my interview with Sari:
We can learn from other aging people’s point of view and create our own descent with grace and relevance. One way to do that is to look at others who are older. Goldie in a recent video said: “The key is to recognize when you don’t feel well and get care to help you through it”. She has a contemplative practice to help herself. Merrill Streep: ‘’Let no one cover my wrinkles on my forehead, obtained by amazement at life. Or the ones around the mouth, which are the expression of how much I laughed. Let the bags under my eyes be left in peace, being the memory of my tears shed throughout my life. They are all mine and they are beautiful.” Goldberg has stated that she doesn’t worry about aging and that her physical changes are part of the natural process, saying “My stuff’s going to sag and fall and I will be fine”.
Since movement has been my way to stay healthy, I want to end with Jane Fonda’s view on aging: “I know better than I did even when I was younger that no matter how old you are or who you are or where you are, keeping moving in a way that’s appropriate for your age is absolutely critical to your healthy lifespan.” This week I needed to get care for myself, I needed to contemplate my aging. I’ll view my wrinkles and bags differently; I’ll be fine. I will keep moving at a pace that’s right for my age and enjoy the lifespan I have left.
Dami Roelse is the author of several books on walking/hiking and transformational travel: “Walking Gone Wild, how to lose your age on the trail” and “Fly Free, a memoir of love, loss and walking the path”. Her next book, “Body and Grace, a hike to wholeness on the PCT, is forthcoming fall 2025 from Mantra Books.
Ahhh aging! Those of us who get to age are the lucky ones, and we can weigh in as best we can with our life style choices. Then there is also the unexpected. I’ve been nursing a knee injury the past two and a half months and it is getting better but ever so slowly. Gratitude, nature, stillness, singing and dancing are my other vitamins to balance out all that aging embraces.
Love us oldsters!!!
Thank you! I almost skipped this one because the Oscars don't interest me much. I'm so glad I read it. I suspect I'll be thinking about it for some time to come.