When you read this, I will be in a world of silence, taking a break from my busy daily life. Winter season calls for physical rest, a deep rooting for the source of things, a gaining of understanding and insight. No writing, no reading, no talking. Sitting meditation alternating with walking meditation. A daily Dhamma talk, an occasional check-in with my teacher on Zoom.
Aging has helped me make my practice a priority. I just don’t care about the hoo-hah the world produces anymore. I am letting go of years of wishing, striving to just BE. Oh sure, I’ve done retreats before, many in fact, but they seemed to be a “coming up for air” from the rush of living. Then back into the maelstrom. This time my pace is already slowed in so many ways. Over the last couple of years, I’ve watched habits drop away. I see that my interests have changed. I wonder what the emptiness will bring.
Even with my simplified life, it wasn’t easy to withdraw from the daily hubbub, to push the pause button on projects. To make sure I don’t ignore my loved ones, that I meet my end-of-year obligations. I am still bound to life by many strings.
When I prepare for a long-distance hike anxiety rises, but it all works out in the end. So with preparation for this retreat. The pantry is stocked with food for a month, the bills are paid or on autopay. Mail is on hold. End of year appointments are done, business transactions complete, I have winterized the garden. My latest book is out and I have a talk planned for January. I set my email on auto reply with an “I’m away” message; I turned off my phone. To break free from the dopamine drip of social media, news and messages will be the most challenging. When I hike long distance, that faucet gets replaced with fresh sights, with walking all day. When I enter the silence of meditation, that faucet gets replaced with emptiness.
Four weeks of observing and being with the present moment. No escaping in movies, books, or projects. Awareness building is my project. It’ll be hard, it’ll be pleasant, most of the time it’ll be neutral. Everything will pass and I'll watch it all pass. I hope to return with a fresh perspective. Meet me at the other end in the new year.