The Happiness that comes with Aging
Practice makes perfect
My stride is growing, my pace quickening, and I’m increasing the miles again. We’re experiencing springlike weather here in Northern New Mexico, much earlier than “normal”, and I am delighting in my hikes and walks. I feel just about back to normal after my knee surgery last October. What counts as normal for me puzzles me, especially given my age. A voice inside my head says, “You’re not moving as easily as before”; “Aging is taking a toll”. Is it? I feel well; I sleep soundly for stretches of time; I can move and do what I was used to doing. But can I backpack for 5 days? Will I ever again? That is the burning question deep underneath. Were it not for this backpacking aim, I would rest, satisfied with my current abilities.
The fact is, this body is aging and my abilities are lessening. I don’t recall things as easily. My hearing has diminished. My vision is less clear when reading. Sleep is sometimes elusive. I don’t hike as far as I used to. With hearing aids, cataract surgery, a new knee, and whatever else the medical world will offer, I get along fine. Until I don’t. Damocles’ sword is hanging over the heads of people my age. Life’s unpredictability is the new reality. I attended a memorial this week for a friend 7 years older than me. At the gathering, the most impactful statement said, she lived her life fully until her last moments.
What leads to thriving during aging? The research on happiness and aging tells us that happiness increases for most people as they age. It’s a famous U-shaped curve where to lowest point (least happiness) occurs around age 40-50. Childhood happiness decreases after the teenage years, and old-age happiness increases as we enter our third anf fourth phase of life. Remarkably, my friend, who passed away recently in her late eighties, always stated she felt happy, even with intense physical pain for some years and severe vision loss because of macular degeneration. Happiness didn’t just happen to her. She practiced being happy. She was a devoted student of Metta practice, a Buddhist meditation practice for developing loving-kindness. Daily she held herself, specific others and all creatures in loving attention for a period in her meditation.
Twice a day I practice meditation; I sit in stillness and observe what goes on in my mind and body. I end the period of sitting in silence with a brief Metta practice. When younger and more restless, I meditated sporadically, fitting it in when possible. Meditation benefitted me, calmed me, and offered awareness and perspective. I thought if I put in enough time meditating, I might become enlightened. Reaching that lofty goal proved impossible with the time I dedicated to my practice. Until I realized the end goal wasn’t the purpose of my practice.
I was hiking in Ladakh at 15,000 feet. At this altitude, you can’t walk fast; you can’t will your way up to the next pass. You can only put one foot in front of the other; focus on your breathing to keep it easy, and adjust your pace to your slowed breathing.
That’s when I understood: even though I was moving forward in space and time, I wasn’t going anywhere! Only this instant, this movement, this breath is what matters. Focusing on future outcomes pulls me from the present, causing me to miss my surroundings. Walking at high altitude forced me to be in the moment. A delicious moment, a happy moment. Spontaneously, I started singing. The happiness I was experiencing was effusive and delightful. I was 58 years old….
By not being preoccupied by stress about things that haven’t happened yet, or things that already have happened, we can move into the moment. Daily practice of being in the moment will move you into happiness. Not practicing occasionally, or for intermittent stretches of time, but a daily practice. It’s like brushing your teeth or exercising. A daily quantity of care will keep your teeth healthy and will keep your body fit. Daily being-in-the moment practice creates inner happiness. Some people understand this concept quickly. I remember a fellow Vipassana student who, after taking his first meditation course, followed the post-course instructions of meditating an hour twice a day without flinching. He changed his life for the better in that first year of meditating. I lost contact with him, so events beyond that point remain unknown to me, yet I know the outcome will be favorable for him. My practice required years to achieve consistency. And thus, from intermittent sitting, via my long-distance hiking and back to my cushion practice, my happiness took longer to come around.
Earlier, I asked how to thrive when aging. The simple answer is: practice happiness. Be happy as your body falls apart. Be happy, even if the surrounding world falls apart. Share contentment and happiness with those who seek it. Happiness doesn’t depend on being of a certain age. Your happiness doesn’t depend on your achievements or the miles you hike. Happiness depends on your devotion to your practice of mindfulness.
You're an inspiration! I wrote an entire book about finding the home for one's aging heart and I'm right there with you. One of my older friends always says the secret is simple. "Keep moving," he says. "Just keep moving." Right on!
Yes, dear Dami! Happiness is a choice we can make, regardless. Some days are easier than others, but always coming back to this present moment. And of course, keep moving!!